Swine flu

It’s official. I have swine flu. 

Of course, I wasn’t diagnosed by a GP or, for that matter, by any person.  Thanks to a series of tube posters and TV ads, I am well-aware that anyone with “flu-like symptoms” in England is not to attend their GP.  On a recent trip to my GP surgery (for an entirely unrelated matter) I even noticed that my GP surgery  has a big sign on the door entitled “polite notice” which goes on to read: “if you are displaying any cold or flu like symptoms whatsoever, do not enter this room.  Telephone the NHS flu pandemic hotline or contact the NHS flu pandemic website.”

After being unwell since Thursday, with a dreadful cough, fever and headaches, this morning it finally twigged that given these were “flu-like symptoms”, perhaps I should make use of the NHS website.  This involved an online quiz to assess my health. Various questions were asked, including:

• are you/is the patient limp?
  
• are you/ is the patient unable to move?
  
• are you/is the patient having a fit?
  
• are your/are the patient’s lips blue and do you/they have trouble breathing?
  
• are you/is the patient not breathing, seemingly asleep and unresponsive?
  

Thankfully I answered no to all of the above.  Even with my limited medical knowledge, I’m quite sure that answering "yes" to that final question would mean that even the NHS website could not help me any more.

I did, however, answer “yes” to questions including “do you have a fever”; “do you have a cough”; and “do you have aches and pains”.  The system then promptly spat out a diagnosis that I more likely than not had swine flu and gave me a prescription for tamiflu.  I have decided not to take the latter – I have confidence that my exercise-DVD toned body will fight this off in no time.  In the meantime, however, I am stuck at home in my one-month flat.

Being unwell is no fun.  Especially when one is unwell in a one-month flat which must itself be harbouring bacteria and germs in quantities to rival those currently attacking my body. 

I am firmly of the belief that if I am sick, I must ensure that everyone else in the world is fully aware of my symptoms at any and every given point in time.  Accordingly, G has been privileged to receive updates every five minutes or so, over the weekend and the course of today.  Mostly the updates have simply been to repeat “I’m still feeling really sick and need a lot of sympathy.  Still no better than five minutes ago”

As G has pointed out, although he loves hearing my regular updates on my health, it may just be the case that not everyone feels the same way.  I’m sure he cannot be right in that assessment.  However, on this one occasion, given my present infirmity, I’m going to defer to his judgment and avoid updating my blog until I’m better, to resist the temptation of filling this space with regular health updates.

But before I go, I should say – I’m still feeling really sick and need a lot of sympathy.